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Sent in by Our Readers:
It's
the movie we've been wanting for over 20 years!
New Line Cinema and Mel Brooks are proud to Present: Blazing Saddles II -
The New Pope
Hilarity ensues when the College of Cardinals mistakenly elect a black
Pope. See Pope Javon I (Samuel L. Jackson) take on racism and bigotry in
the church with the help of alcoholic former Bishop Lance Wright (Gene
Wilder). See him battle Methodists and Unitarians trying to muscle in on
Vatican City. Also features Harvey Korman as the Archbishop of Canterbury
and Mel Brooks as God.
PINELLAS PARK, Fla. - The first thing Terri
Schiavo did was ask for a cup of coffee. "I missed that as much as
anything else." After more than a decade pretending to be in a coma, Mrs.
Schiavo sat up this morning and declared, "April Fool!" Terri's husband,
Michael and her parents, Bob and Mary Schindler raced in from an adjacent
room throwing confetti and carrying balloons which read 'Gotcha'.
Celebrating perhaps the most elaborate April Fools joke in the history of
time, Terri Schiavo was torn between laughter and tears. "It will be nice
to move in something other than fake spasms," said the famished
prankster. "Somebody get me a hairbrush and some makeup."
Michael Schiavo hugged mother-in-law Mary Schindler, proclaiming, "We got
them! We got them all, mom!" They laughed and pointed at members of the
media in a taunting fashion. "I got, you, you, you...and that dope Larry
King." He later added, "Hey, where's Dan Rather? I have some documents
for him to read."
While the Schiavo family did not detail immediate plans for the future,
Michael stated he was tired and needed some rest. "Some things people
said were really hurtful. I guess now that everyone knows it was a joke
they feel pretty stupid, huh?"
Terri Schiavo complained of leg soreness as she got up from her bed for
the first time in years. "The hardest part was not knowing what I was
supposed to do when I was in a vegetative state. People caught me looking
at things and I know I responded at times I shouldn't. Thankfully, you
all stayed fooled." She later added, "It was all worth it. I'd do it
again just to see the look on your faces."
In a related story, Pope John Paul II removed his feeding tube after
hearing the news. "Dammit," said the elderly pontiff. "They stole my
joke!"
Weekend at Terri's
Terri Schiavo's parents don't want Michael to collect the insurance, so
they steal her body and make it seem as if she's recovered.
HELP WANTED:
Position:
Pope
Location:
Vatican City
Salary:
All of the coffers of the world’s
archdiocese combined
Prerequisite:
Catholic, yes, preferably not
Polish this time
Housing provided:
Yes
Transportation
provided: Yes- bulletproof
Looking for a man to
replace the one in office who died in 1989.
Must be out of touch with reality and maintains conservative
Christian values. Must work
Sundays.
Term of employment is
until death or, some time thereafter when it’s time to change.
Santa Claus Found Dead
Naughty? Nice? It no longer matters. After hundreds of years delivering
toys to good Christian children all over the world, Santa has expired.
There is no word on is exact age.
The body was discovered by Mrs. Claus shortly after midnight last night.
Foul play has not been ruled out as his beard was shaved and several elves
were missing. The police have called 'Herbie the Dentist' a person of
interest, but stopped short of calling him a suspect.
Santa's body will be on display for children to sit on his lap on last
time.
GOT
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