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Canadien Mary Jasterson Wins North American Farting Crown

TORONTO, CA - In what is being referred to as her 'blaze of glory', Mary Jasterson of Vancouver won the 1st Annual North American Farting Tournament.  Jastersons winning blast was rated a 9.4 out of 10 by the panel of judges comprised 3 Canadiens, 3 U.S. and 1 Mexican.

"I couldn't be happier," said Jasterson.  "Today was about competition and I proved I could compete."

International Competition Committee chairman Douglas R. Reynolds agreed.  "The competitiveness of these girls was amazing.  Being able to have an up close look at this tournament really brought tears to my eyes.

Jasterson won a regional contest held in Vancouver in March, then moved on to the quarterfinal rounds in Duluth, Minnesota.  She defeated early favorite Chloe Heckinger in the Semifinals in Toronto with a blast that lasted over 14 seconds and forced 3 judges to lose consciousness. 

The lone Mexican entry in the competition, Esmeralda Quinonces of Guadalupe was eliminated by Texan, Maria Sanchez in the other Semifinal.  "It was a battle of burritos," said Sanchez.  "My trouser coughs were on that day."

But it was Jasterson who reigned supreme in the finals.  "I crapped myself twice," admits Jasterson.  Fortunately, defecation is not an automatic disqualification.  She made up a late deficit in points with a miraculous trumpet blast - actually placing a trumpet in her rectum and playing the first verse of national anthem 'Oh Canada'.

"I knew she had me with the trumpet trick," said Sanchez.  I thought about countering with a saxophone, but I don't know any songs."  Sanchez added that Jasterson just wanted it more.

Jasterson was justifiably thrilled.  Beyond the $43,000 cash prize, she will get a lifetime supply of Cottonelle bathroom tissue and a gift certificate valued at $1,000 toward the purchase of an American Standard toilet, a proud sponsor of the competition.



Pictured: Chloe Heckinger (left) and Mary Jasterson in the Semi Final round.


 

 

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