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Wednesday, July 20, 2005

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DAVID STERN TAKES MUCH NEEDED VACATION

NBA Commissioner David Stern sporting a new haircut and beard was seen scuba diving off of the beach at Coney Island, NY. Stern commented, "TV ratings are way down and I needed to get away." Stern who can't swim or play basketball, stayed in the shallow waters off the beach. "I didn't want to get into all the tanks and stuff, so I just put on the face mask and snorkel do-hickey and have fun." Stern recovered  $.75 in loose change, a St. Christopher's medal, and a Huggies diaper. "You know there's a lot of stuff on the ocean floor. All you have to do is feel around and grab it," Stern said as he held up his catch. "Being Jewish, I'll probably lose the St. Christopher medal but hey seventy five cents is seventy five cents."

Stern took a moment out to explain the NBA's new age policy. "We want the kids to stay in school and get at least a week or two of college before they declare themselves eligible for the NBA. We're all about the kids," Stern added as he read a copy of "Jaws" to some youngsters as part of the "Read to Achieve" program.