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White House spokesperson Holly Kaust announced in a press release this morning, that Vice President Dick Cheney has agreed to meet North Korea dictator Kim Jong Il in a schedule 12-rounder next October in Las Vegas. Cheney believes there is only one way to get the North Koreans to understand that the U.S. "calls the shots."

Cheney is quoted to have said, "When I get through with him, he'll scream for unification with South Korea." The fight, the brainchild of Secretary of State Condolezza Rice, will be available on pay per view only. Rice added, "We've tried cajoling, diplomacy, even sex for arms but not it's time for a good ass whooping." Rice admits that Cheney is out of shape and has a history of heart trouble but the North Korean dictator "ain't exactly Bernard Hopkins."

Cheney will begin training next week at Camp David. Cheney said he needed to drop about 20 pounds before the fight and he has sworn off favorite foods, Yodels and Ring Dings, until after the fight.

Pictured: Dick Cheney close to fight shape

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