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Ask Randy, the Sports
Psychologist*
Dear
Randy,
I’m a highly, successful athletic superstar, who commands a multimillion
dollar contract. I have everything I need but I’m not happy. I’m lonely
and am in the middle of some relationship problems involving some sexual
misconduct for which I’m facing a big legal settlement. None of my
teammates talk to me, and I’ve been accused of ruining the franchise but
driving the star player and coach out of town. Can you help me?
-Blue on Blue in LA
Dear
Blue on Blue,
I’ve always found that having millions and millions of dollars is very
comforting when I’m not feeling too good about myself. In fact, as a sport
psychologist, I made a grand total of $46.00 and most of that came from
substituting on my friend’s paper route. And if you live to be 120, you
can’t spend all of your money so stop your whining. You oughta walk in my
shoes for a few days and then you can talk about depression. Pay the bitch
off, let go of the coach and star. It’s America, everything dies down
after awhile.
-Randy
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*Randy Marsh is not a licensed Sports Psychologist or mental health
professional, but a sensitive listener who really cares. |
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