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Study Reveals NFL Obesity Problem INDIANAPOLIS, IN - The results of a new study which looks at obesity in NFL linemen was released today. Dr. Landon Holder, the lead researcher of the CDC research team, announced the findings at a press conference at the Atlanta Medical Center. The three year study 1.5 million dollar study, looked at 100 NFL linemen. The researchers concluded that NFL linemen are "fat, disgusting pigs." Dr. Holder explained, "what we saw were a lot of really fat guys who eat to goddamn much." The team initially hypothesized that if you shovel large quantities of food into your mouth on a regular basis, you will become a fat, disgusting pig. Dr. Holder continued by saying, "we're extremely pleased that our results confirmed our earlier hunch. If you stuff your face, you get fat." Dr. Holder congratulated his team for their dedication and perseverance throughout the study. "He noted, "We had to look at a lot of fat guys without clothes on. It was difficult and we lost some people early on, but this is a small price to pay for scientific advancement." The NFL office released a statement thanking Dr. Holder for his research. Commissioner Paul Tagliabue commented, "We've got some really fat, pig linemen who are disgusting to look at and I thank Dr. Holder and his team for looking at them."
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