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Kid’s Korner with Al Krumlish

Dear Al,
My parents are two washed up 60's counterculture gurus who make me listen to Simon and Garfunkel records as a pre-game baseball warm-up. I need to know in the song, "Mrs. Robinson, " where exactly does Joe DiMaggio go away to?
-Jerry Rubin, Jr., NY

Dear Jerry,
Though it's never been clearly articulated by Simon or Garfunkel, several theories have been put forward. The most obvious is that he went off somewhere with his then wife, sexpot, Marilyn Monroe. "Joltin Joe has left and gone away, hey, hey, hey." Now common sense would dictate that any man with common sense who went off with Marilyn Monroe would not come back. At least until you grew tired of being with the sexiest woman who ever lived which would probably be never so it was a huge surprise to me that Joe ever came back and in fact did a few commercials for banks and coffee makers. In conclusion, Jerry, we can surmise that although Joe DiMaggio held the record for hitting safely in 56 games or whatever the number was,  he was one dumb Yankee.
-Al

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