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Kid’s Korner with Al Krumlish

Dear Al,

I'm a twelve year old soccer player and recently received the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. I can't put it down and seem to be touching myself more than normal. I've completely lost my desire to play soccer and I think I want to marry that one girl from Brazil? What should I do?

-Sleepless in Sacramento

Dear Sleepless,

Good choice. The Brazilian model is HOT. Have you ever seen "Blame it on Rio?" Talk about Brazilian babes. The movie sucks and Michael Caine ought to shoot his agent for getting him into it but it got me hooked on Brazil. Don't worry about the soccer. It's really a crappy sport that yuppie parents are jamming down their kids throats. Learn Portuguese and take a riverboat down the Amazon. There's a whole world out there for an enterprising 12 year old.

-Al

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