JockWeb                                    
For when you must scratch that Sports Itch

Archives

Testimonials

Reader Submissions

Links
ESPN
CBSSportsline
FoxSports

Your Ad Here!

Feedback

The thing you men have to understand is that we don't want you looking at other women for any reason.  The only women you are allowed to look at are your wife/girlfriend, their mother, your mother and female siblings.  Nieces are ok in our presence and not with any of their friends around.  Other than that, don't look.

I don't want to hear anything about men and how they have to look or that is what they were born to to.  We are the women in your life now and if you didn't want to be with us, you shouldn't have married us.  You know how lost you'd be otherwise.

Alright, with all this said, we know you're still going to look.  In fact, I understand from friends and my brothers that all men have porn.  What you have to do is hide it from us.

Be creative.  We're not stupid, you know.  We're going to look in a brown paper bag stuffed under the bed.  We will look in closets and drawers.  Don't forget - we're usually the ones putting the clothes away.  For God's sake, don't hide it in the kids rooms.  Although we only go into garages or shed once or twice a year, we'll find it there, too unless you are very creative.  plus they tend to get very hot and plastic melts.

So what do you do?  First, throw out your video cassettes.  They're old and I'm sure by now you've worn them out.  Upgrade to DVD.  Then, label the DVDs something creative, like a soccer match, a football game or a Sylvester Stallone movie - all things women would never want to watch.  Then, hide them in plain sight.  In fact, offer to watch one of the "games" with us.  Of course we'll say no, and it doesn't look like you're hiding anything from us.  If you have a son into sports, you might want to label it something like Using Macromedia Developer.  I'm sure your wife will stay away and there's nothing sons hate more than learning.

So now that you've got your porn hidden, let me give one last tip.  There will be an occasion, probably at the mall when you get dragged along, that some teen queen in a mini skirt and busting out of a tank top will draw your gaze.  Trust me - your wife or girlfriend saw her, too and will probably start monitoring your reaction.  Here's what you do - point her out.  I know, sounds like suicide, right?  Not if you do it correctly.  Point at her, tell your wife/girlfriend to look, then point out a flaw.  Make one up if you have to.  Her shoes look really stupid, or the blouse doesn't match the skirt.  Maybe her hair is bad or she has a really stupid piercing.  It doesn't matter.  It doesn't even have to be correct.

What does this accomplish?
1. You looked and admitted it right away.  You'll get a few points.
2. Since you are finding fault, it's ok that you are looking.
3. Because you're engaging in conversation AND finding fault, you'll be allowed to look for an extended period.

The downside is that you might get caught if you only point out the best looking.  Point out an occasional slob every once in a while to balance things out and us women will be happy.

WWW.SUBMITFUNNY STUFF.COM

Funny Stuff.  You're way.

Laugh, win fabulous prizes, pick up hot women.  Well, laugh and win prizes...