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TERRORIST GROUP CALLS FOR "DEATH TO SOCCER MOMS!" The radical Middle Eastern organization, Jihad Akite, announced a warning to the United States, that from here on no soccer mom is safe. Speaking through the Arab cable network, Al JerriLewis, the unknown terrorist organization said it would conduct a new campaign to rid the world of American soccer moms. "Forget all that stuff you heard about US being Satan, the thing that really gets us in a suicide mood is those screaming soccer moms," the announcement read. Middle East observers say this a decided turn of events in the evolving Middle East crisis. Long time CNN reporter Tad Nipper noted, "this could be a real breakthrough. Soccer moms for hostages is a calculus we can live with." President George Bush reacted swiftly. At a press conference Bush said, "Everything's on the table. If this whole thing can be settled with giving up a few soccer moms then I'm all for it." Bush envisions sending approximately 100 of the loudest, most obnoxious moms to the Middle East for public execution. Bush added, "They'll feel good because their blood thirsty instinct for killing will be satisfied and we'll get rid of some of our most annoying citizens. It's win-win." \ The government has set up a website and toll free hot line so the nominations can begin.
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