NHL to Return in 2005/06
 

MONTREAL, CA - The NHL will return for the 2005-06 season, most likely to arenas that will have a turnout less than a boat full of Haitians headed for Miami.

It is estimated that about 1/4 of the players from the 03/04 season have left the game due to retirement, frustration, or the game has gotten that boring.

People have discovered that they do have lives, “I am going to play with my 3-year old.  I never thought of socializing with my family- my family was, just there, getting in the way of the TV”, explained a Leafs fan from Brompton, ONT.  "They’ll never get another loonie from me."

Hockey Night in Canada has been replaced by reruns of Laverne and Shirley and Flyfishing on the MacKenzie, which has modestly increased ratings for the CBC.

The league office has suggested promotions to bring back the fans. Ideas include making the nets as wide as a soccer goal to increase scoring, trick ice that melts so the goalie won’t leave the crease, threats to not renew Eastern European player visas for poor performance, and sobriety checkpoints at the gates.

Molsen Centre reminds Montrealers of baseball season