Lausanne, SWITZERLAND-  In a surprise move by the IOC, and to the shock of hopefuls in New York, Moscow, London and Paris, the IOC has accepted Pyongyang, North Korea’s bid to host the 2012 Summer Olympic Games.  This move comes despite the nation’s human rights record, its tensions with the west, and its inability to field athletes above 5’ 4”.

National dictator, Kim Jong Il, claims, “North Korea is just rike southern neighbor, without gritz of stable economy, ruxury of eating or transportation system that go beyond DMZ.  Why would anyone want to leave anyway?  We just rittle misunderstood, and maybe rittle bit hungry.”

Within moments of accepting the bid, the North Korean Olympic Committee established its rules for the 2012 games, some as strict since the games in Berlin in 1936.  The Committee declared that the games will not be open to athletes of African descent.  Many feel in addition to being racist that they were trying to level the playing field.  In reaction to this rule, the New Zealand team, nicknamed the “All Blacks” has shifted its name back to the traditional “Kiwis”.  Fortunately for New Zealand, they did not have to adjust its rosters since there are no blacks in the island nation.  Nations such as Jamaica and Gabon will have to sit this one out.

Other changes for 2012 include the removal of basketball and volleyball, as these are games that favor tall people.  Table tennis has been extended to include more events for various weight groups.  New games added include No-fin-do, a national game which challenges foreign athletes to search for North Korea’s atomic weapons.  Winners receive a uranium medal and are fed 1 meal.

 

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