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ESPN's CLAYTON TO BRAD PITT: "THAT KID IS MINE!"

New York, NY -- ESPN football analyst John Clayton continues to shock the entertainment industry when he announced that he is the father of the Angelina Jolie's new baby.

That makes brings the total number to three of celebrity children fathered by Clayton. "I had just broken up with Katie Holmes and Angelina and I just had a one night thing. She wanted more of a commitment than I was ready to give," said the spry reporter, "but hey I'm all four spreading the Clayton genes around Hollywood."

Observers close to Jolie say that actor Brad Pitt was initially furious but "has gotten use to the idea of Clayton being the dad." Pitt, already the adopted father of Jolie's other two adopted children, said, "So now I'll just get another adopted kid."

Clayton suggested, "I may not be through. I've got to think with all the women I've bedded down with, there are going to be a few more coming forward."

Clayton also announced that Jim Mora would probably be fired by the season's end.

GM Denies Involvement in Ford's Death

Gerald Ford, the 38th President of the United States died mysteriously on Tuesday, December 26. One day after Christmas, and 4 days before GM is to announce one of the worst sale year's in their history.

"We had nothing to do with Gerald Ford's death," said GM spokesman Author Ryder. "We also categorically deny attempting to bomb the Betty Ford clinic as well as supplying the cocaine to the Ford Agency models."

Ryder continues to defend GM. "Okay, maybe we had something to do with the downfall of Henry Ford. Maybe we were the ones to introduce him to Hitler. Honestly, we didn't think they'd hit it off so well."

"I'll be watching my back," said Indiana Jones star Harrison Ford.

FEDS ANNOUNCE CRACKDOWN ON KITTY TOSSING

Washington, DC -- A special Congressional investigative panel announced that they would introduce legislation aimed at curbing "Extreme Kitty Tossing."

"Extreme Kitty Tossing" has been gathering a huge following which has culminated in the "Extreme Kitty Tossing Championships" that are covered by ESPN 4. The object of the sport is simple. Pick up a kitty and throw it as far as you can.

"It's a hellava sport," said Tiki Furman, who is ranked third in the national Kitty Toss standings. "Leave it to the federal government to spoil a good time and a great sport," added Furman.

ESPN 4 commentator Turk Walloby said, "Jesus Christ, I finally break into sports broadcasting after 32 years and now the government wants to spoil my party." Walloby had recently been promoted from covering "Extreme Cookie Cutting," believes that "throwing kittens for fun and recreation is as American as apple pie."

The American Kitty Toss record is 208ft.

TAMPA BAY TO WEAR THROWBACK UNIFORMS NEXT SUNDAY

Tampa Bay, FL -- The Tampa Bay Buccaneers announced that they will wear their old orange 70's uniforms for the last game of the season.

Head coach Jon Gruden said, "We're playing a lot like the original Tampa teams which is to say, we suck. To tell you the truth, I like the orange look."

Tampa Bay fullback Mike Alstott said, "I've got a really big head and I don't mind telling you, I'm having a bitch of a time fitting into one of the retro helmets." Alstott finally squeezed into his helmet and commented, "Wow, these bastards had some cushion."

Alstott modeled the retro helmets during some light pre-practice warm ups.

COWBOY TO PLAY QUEEN

Dallas, TX -- Dallas Cowboys offensive tackle Pat McQuiston announced he would not suit on Christmas night against the Eagles due to a prior theatrical commitment.

McQuiston, a 315 pound rookie out of Weber State, said an opportunity came along for him to play Queen Elizabeth in Shakespeare's "The Merry Wives of Windsor." McQuiston said, "To play Queen Elizabeth the First has been a lifelong dream for me and it is such a meaty part."

Director Thames Shrew said, "I envision a really big Queen. Don't forget, Queen Elizabeth was a nasty bitch so to have a huge offensive tackle play her is a bit of genius."

McQuiston added that playing with Terrell Owens and the surrounding drama prepared him for the role. Coach Bill Parcells said, "It's important that my players find a life outside of football. I really try to encourage my players to grow as people."

Parcells said, "He's a dead ringer for Elizabeth the First."

RED SOX LOSE MATSUZAKA AFTER TEA GAFFE

Boston, MA -- Daisuke Matsuzaka, the 52 plus million prize pitcher signed by the Boston Red Sox, angrily returned home to Japan vowing never to come back to Beantown.

Red Sox management thought it would be a clever publicity stunt to stage a traditional Japanese Tea Ceremony to get the city behind their new star. However, no one from the Red Sox organization researched the requirements for the ceremony. "Someone handed Daisuke a mug of Lipton tea with two spoonfuls of sugar and he freaked," said one witness.

The Japanese tea ceremony or chado is a traditional ritual influenced by Zen Buddhism in which powdered green tea or matcha is ceremonially prepared by a skilled practitioner and served to a small group of guests in a tranquil setting.

"I guess we really blew it," said PR director Jay Hauker. "We forgot about the skilled practitioner part and just a guy name Al put a tea bag in a Dilbert mug and I guess you could say we insulted Daisuke."

This is no ordinary cup of Tetley. And you'd think Bostonians would know something about tea?

EAGLES' GARCIA REVEALS: "I'M DANNY BONADUCE!"

Philadelphia, PA -- Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Jeff Garcia shocked the football world yesterday by announcing, "I'm Danny Bonaduce."

Garcia finally came out of the closet and admitted that he was the extremely annoying childhood star of the extremely annoying 1970's sitcom, "The Partridge Family." Garcia played the wisecracking son of actress Shirley Jones, who for some reason is able to put a bubblegum band together consisting of her dysfunctional children. The band was led by lead singer David Cassidy and actually had one hit song, "I Think I Love You."

Bonaduce (Garcia) mimicked a bass player and as Garcia admitted, "I just stood there like a dork." Garcia explained that as a 11-year old on a Hollywood set, "I started a serious blow habit and that lasted pretty much until the Eagles three game winning streak began a few weeks ago." He added, "No one thought I would amount to anything so it'll be good to prove them wrong when I knock off the Cowboys on Christmas Day."

Garcia said the choice between backing up Shirley Jones or Donovan McNabb wasn't an easy one. "Shirley is pretty hot even if she's over seventy and Donovan can't sing a lick." Terrell Owens, a former Garcia teammate in San Francisco spit on a Partridge Family record.

Eagles players have rallied around the former bass player. Coach Andy Reid said, "Danny (Jeff) is a great leader despite that he can't play bass."

AUSTRALIAN OLYMPIC TEAM STRUGGLES WITH BUDGET CUTS

Sydney, Australia -- The Australian Olympic committee announced that it was faced with a sizable budget deficit that threatened the country's participation in the next Olympic games.

Committee spokesperson Pauley Hogan said, "We're all going to have to bite our upper lip and sacrifice a little something for the good of our mother country." Hogan said, "There are going to be cutbacks and they're not going to be pleasant for anyone involved."

One of the first teams affected by the changes was the swimming program. Hogan added, "Having uniforms for the swimming team is just excessive. You're only jumping into pool of water for God's sake."

Several team members protested outside of government offices yesterday claiming that "swimsuits don't have too much material to begin with and we could probably salvage some uniforms by collecting old socks."

One swimmer commented that the new hand-painted Australian flag on her buttocks, "makes me look fat."

Some Australian Olympians after the cutbacks. Frankly, we like the idea.

NFL FINES JOHNSON OVER ENDZONE CELEBRATION

Cincinnati, OH -- The NFL front office has levied a $10,000 fine against Cincinnati Bengal receiver Chad Johnson for an extravagant celebration after a touchdown.

Johnson, known for creative post-touchdown routines, choreographed a 30-minute Christmas pageant in the endzone, after catching a 40-yd. TD from quarterback Carson Palmer.

Johnson brought the entire Bengal dance team, the Cincinnati Philharmonic, and the entire Morman Tabernacle Choir for a program of Christmas songs and dances. "You know I sing Nat King Cole better than Nat King Cole," said Johnson.

An NFL spokesperson explained that "the League cannot endorse any particular ethnic or religious holiday. If Chad might have just used a Winter Solstice theme or even just a few Broadway showtunes, we'd look the other way."

Johnson looks up to the sky while a giant Santa and eight reindeer landed on the ten yard line.

SOCCER PLAYER APPLAUDED FOR HAVING BABY

Milan, IT -- A European soccer goalie has defied all odds by becoming pregnant. Guy Nante, a goalie for Club Hotpeppero, said he can't recall having unprotected sex with anyone but "either way, I'm going to have this baby."

His coach and fellow players are fully behind him. Coach Anotonio Tonio said, "I think anytime a man has a baby we should be happy. But to have a baby when you're not married and continue at goalkeeping is very, very courageous."

Several players threw an impromptu baby shower for Nante after he shut out Club Turisimo. "Frankly, I was so moved, I shed a few tears." Many of Nante's teammates said they were anxious to get a chance to babysit. "We're going to have this baby together," said striker Manu Kajoobu.

A player shows his support of Nante's decision to have the baby and continue to play keeper.

IVERSON BALKS AT MILE HIGH CITY

Philadelphia, PA -- All-Star guard and NBA leading scorer Allen Iverson has put a stop to a trade that would send him to the Denver Nuggets for Andre Miller and Joe Smith, along with two draft picks.

"You can only get a mile high? I get a lot higher than that in Philly now," said Iverson. "Why would I go somewhere I can't get as high?"

Denver coach George Karl called Iverson and explained that "Mile High" is a geographical nickname indicating altitude. Iverson rejected Karl overtures by saying, "Everybody's on my shit about my altitude. I got me a good altitude."

Several Nugget players including star Carmelo Anthony coaxed Iverson by telling him that you can get a lot higher than a mile in Denver. Anthony said, "I've been five, six miles high the whole time I been here."

Iverson inquired, "And what kind of Nuggets are they? Can you smoke'em?"

Later Iverson changed his mind when he heard the Nuggets has a "Mellow."

TOUR DE FRANCE EXPLORING OPTIONS TO IMPROVE RATINGS

Paris, FR -- Tour de France organizers completed two days of meeting after trying to brainstorm ways to increase ratings for the yearly event.

Attendance and TV ratings are way down due to the perception that watching people ride bikes is like watching people piss at a urinal, it's boring. And watching people ride bikes on television is also like watching people piss at a urinal but you get a cable bill for it.

The race's executive committee has agreed that all participants will have ride the entire race without clothes on. "We think the time has come for an all nude Tour de France," said Jacques Fairajacques. However several veteran riders, including Lance Armstrong are petitioning the move saying that as the race moves into the colder mountains, participants should be allowed a fur penile covering.

The meetings will reconvene early in 2007, with the penile covering issue at the top of the agenda.

And one racer asked, "How about cushioned seats?"

CELTICS DANCER DEMANDS PLUS SIZE COSTUME

Boston, MA -- A Boston judge ruled in favor of a Boston Celtics dancer when she sued the squad and demanded that the team offer a "plus size bikini outfit."

In what is being called "a victory for the everyday gal," Judge Doris Pfickler (who is a healthy size 32) said, "I'm sick of watching these anorexic dancers at halftime. I say let's give the high carb dieters a chance."

Louella Fremer, the dancer who brought the suit, said, "I'm a gal who likes her pasta with whipped cream and chocolate syrup. And I want an outfit I can slip into not one I have to paint on."

Former Celtics President Red Auerbach, who was against the formation of a dance team, had no comment.

We say give us more #95's and less #47's. We're going plump!

JERRY JONES DEFENDS OWENS' SPITTING

Dallas, TX -- Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones defended Terrell Owens after allegations surfaced that the star receiver spit on Atlanta Falcons defensive back, D'Angelo Hall.

"That is some of the most expensive spit you'll ever see," said Jones. "With what we're paying T.O., that spit is worth a goddamn fortune," Jones added. Jones went on to say, "Who do you want to get spit on by, a third string kick returner or an All-Pro receiver?"

Drew Rosenhaus, the agent for Owens, said, "Most people would pay big money to get spit on by T.O. and truthfully, I'm thinking of filing a grievance against the league for not paying for the spit."

Owens remarked, "I gots great spit, man. I mean, who don't want to be spit on by T.O.?"

Ask yourself, who would I rather have spit on me?

BUSH TAPS SHECKSTEIN FOR IRAQ ENVOY

President George Bush, following the Iraq Study Group's recommendation, has asked Jockweb CEO Shecky Sheckstein, to try and bring the rival factions in Iraq to the negotiation table.

Bush explained that if Sheckstein can do to Iraq what he has done to Jockweb then, "we win the war on terror." The President said that he can't think of anyone who isn't a regular Jockweb reader.

He added, "Muslims, both Shite and Sunni, like Sheckstein. And once they get in the habit of reading Jockweb, I can see a serious reduction in tensions."

Sheckstein has remained neutral to this point but did admit he was surprised at the offer. "Frankly, I can't get invited to a quarantine."

SIXERS EXPLORE OPTIONS WITH STRAYER UNIVERSITY

Philadelphia, PA -- Philadelphia Sixers General Manager Billy King said that the organization was near closing a deal for All-Star guard Allen Iverson.

King said though there was "absolutely no interest" around the league in taking the oft-troubled guard, there were several on-line universities interested in Iverson's services. Strayer has an several on-line management courses that King insists, could help him as a general manager. "And," King explained, "Allen came to the NBA without using up all of his college eligibility, so he's still has two years to play."

The deal would send Iverson to Strayer and in exchange King can take courses: 1500, 1501, 1600, and 1602. King said, "I went to Duke so a few introductory on-line courses ought to be do-able for me." King added, "I like the on-line option. It really fits into my schedule nicely."

A spokesperson for Strayer said, "We have no team and we have no coach. Allen won't have to practice or get along with anyone. He can shoot as much as he wants."

Is Iverson the on-line answer for Strayer?

FALCONS MORA SAYS FOR RIGHT OFFER, "I'LL LEAVE MY WIFE."

Atlanta, GA -- Falcons head coach Jim Mora Jr. surprised owner Arthur Blank this week when he announced that he would take the University of Washington head coaching job if he was offered it this week.

When he got home on Thursday evening Mora told his wife that if Lindsay Lohan will have me, I'll take her too. Mora said he open to take any offers anyone pitching to him. "If anyone wants me, they can have me," said Mora.

Mora also surprised his father by saying "If Bill Parcells wants me as a son, I'll take him as a father immediately." Parcells reached later about the comment said he thought he might be too old to adopt the younger Mora and in Parcell's words, "Jimmy's kind of problem child."

Before the day was out Mora was trying to cut a deal with Fiji. "If the Republic of Fiji will have me, I'll renounce my U.S. citizenship today," Mora said.

Mora said, "If the female gender will take me, I'd love to be a woman."

COLLINGDALE PLAYS GOLF WITH O.J.

Vero Beach, FL -- Jockweb writer Fred Collingdale was able to speak intimately with former NFL running back O.J.Simpson after Simpson invited Collingdale to his club for a round of golf.

Collingdale, who reputation as a curmudgeon keeps him from getting invitations from any social gatherings, expressed surprise when he commented, "I don't even get invited to change a diaper."

O.J. explained, "I don't have anyone who wants to be seen with me in public but then again, no one wants to be seen with Collingdale."

Collingdale said the round was basically uneventful. "It was just your routine round of golf and afterwards we had lunch and O.J. stabbed this really hot blonde waitress with a butter knife."

RAIDERS SEND SAPP SUBTLE MESSAGE

Oakland, CA -- Former All-Pro defensive lineman Warren Sapp has been seeing less and less playing time and he's wondering, "Are the Raiders trying to tell me something?"

Sapp, who has sat out the last several games for the struggling Raiders, has been asked by coach Art Shell to captain the cheerleading squad. Sapp acknowledged that the request surprised him but said, "I'll do whatever I can to help the team."

Cheerleading coach Tania LaRue said that Sapp will be fitted with a halter and bikini skirt in time for Sunday's game. "The girls have been great accepting me and making me feel at home," said Sapp. "Honestly, Sapp said, "which would you rather do, play with Randy Moss or play with the cheer- leaders?" Enough said Warren.

Coach LaRue said, "Warren is cheering his little heart out and he hasn't assaulted one cheerleader yet."

T.O. SAYS, "I WANT TO PLAY WITH MYSELF!"

Dallas, TX -- Dallas Cowboys receiver Terrell Owens told reporters today that "I don't like playing with no one. I only want to play with myself."

Cowboys coach Bill Parcells was not surprised. "Lots of guys want to play with themselves but you can only play with yourself for awhile and then it gets boring." Owner Jerry Jones was angry with Owens comments and said, "I'm not paying him fourteen million to play with himself."

Several members of the media pointed out to Owens that maybe he meant, that "he wanted to play by himself." Owens responded, "Yeah that's what I meant, no quarterback, no line, no backs, just me against the other team. I wanna play with myself."

Owens added he thinks he could fill up Texas Stadium if he was playing with himself. A Jockweb survey revealed that 9 out of 10 Dallas fans would not pay to see T.O. play with himself. The tenth guy's name was Pee Wee.

The old 10th man! "SOMEONE'S PLAYING WITH THEMSELVES? WHERE?"

CRAZED SOCCER FAN INVADES POLAND

Warsaw, Poland -- A German soccer fan, who believes he is the reincarnation of Adolf Hitler, invaded Poland by himself and named himself "Chancellor."

Fritz Uberlanger, an avid soccer fan, had been acting peculiar since Germany's loss in the World Cup last summer. Friends say Uberlanger was despondent and began rambling the Adolf Hitler was speaking to him.

Uberlanger began to collect his thought in a new book, "Mein Kamp," which details the fun he had as a boy during summers. "Fritz began growing a mustache and insisted that we have beer and invade Czechoslovakia," said friend Heimer Wittenstormer. "When I told him that Czechoslovakia was now two countries, he realized he was outnumbered," Wittenstormer continued.

Yesterday, Uberlanger tried to take Warsaw by surprise in his 1983 Fird Escort. "We were surprised alright. Seriously, who really wants to live in Poland?" said Lech Stowkiowski. Later Uberlanger feasted on kielbasa and vodka, had serious heartburn and then returned home to Germany.

Uberlanger who described himself as "Himmler on steroids," was never a serious military threat to Poland.

TILTISSUE SURPRISES STAFF WITH HIS OWN SECRET

Jockweb HQ -- Jockweb staffer and frequent contributor Eric Tiltissue shocked staffers by announcing that he was the father of Anna Nicole Smith's new child.

Tiltissue, who is normally shy and reserved, said after the Pippy-Katie Holmes story was made public, he felt it was a good time to make a claim against Ann Nicole.

"I want a DNA test," said Tiltissue. "And I gave Anna the idea of marrying the old billionaire, screwing him to death, and then taking his money." Smith did admit knowing Tiltissue but said she can't recall ever sleeping with him.

Smith said, "If you sound out his name phoenetically Erictil Tissue then I've slept with him a billion times."

ERICKSON QUITS AT IDAHO; CITES POTATO ISSUES

Boise, ID -- Long time college and former NFL coach Dennis Erickson announced that he was leaving the University of Idaho and taking the head coaching job at Arizona State University,

Erickson explained that it was a long painful decision but said, "Frankly, I'm sick of the potato thing." Idaho, known for their potato crop, began to wear on Erickson palate. "I swear to God they're shoving potatoes in front of you at every goddamn meal. Potato pancakes, potato chips, potato au gratin, scalloped potato, baked, french fried, you name it and that's all they serve."

Once the coach of the San Francisco 49ers, Erickson has long had a reputation as a fussy eater. A 49er spokesperson said, "When he was here, he bitched about Rice-a-Roni and for chrissakes, it's the San Francisco treat."

Erickson disagreed with the assessment that he's hard to please at training table. "It was getting to the point that I was addicted to sour cream and chives and at that point I knew, I had to get out."

Idaho is said to be going after Notre Dame's Charlie Weis to replace Erickson. Idaho AD 'Spud' Webster said, "He looks like he's not afraid of the potato table."

Former Vice-President Dan Quayle said, "I still can't spell potatoe."

Idaho fans cheered the news of Erickson's departure.

PIPPY UNDERCOVER: SOCCER EMPLOYING "FLUFFERS"

San Paolo, BR -- Jockweb senior investigative reporter Wally Pippy has spent the last three hours investigating what appears to be a new trend in professional world soccer.

Pippy discovered that some soccer teams are employing "fluffers" to calm injured players. "Fluffers," as they are referred to, have long been used in the adult film industry. One veteran director explained that a "fluffer's" job, "is to keep a certain member at attention between takes."

Pippy writes, "The marriage of soccer and the adult industry will most likely improved the sport's chances of success in the United States. Soccer has forever been the unwanted child on the American sports scene. 'Fluffers' could change all of that."

Pippy interviewed about fourty Brazilians named Ronaldo and everyone agreed "Fluffing" takes a boring sleep filled event like soccer into a game with more scoring." And Pippy adds, "And the video coverage all of a sudden is something you're paying attention to and something I'd pay for with a credit card."

Ronaldinhoho smiles as a "fluffer" arrives and said, "Soccer has been very, very, very good to me."

SCHIZOPHRENIC WINS SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING EVENT

Phoenix, AZ -- A controversy erupted at the National Synchronized Swimming Championships when a mildly schizophrenic woman took first in the team event.

Sybil Shebbard performed with at least 10 other women trapped inside her for what judges say was the most amazing performance they have ever seen. One judge commented, "She was like in twenty places at once and to tell you the truth I gave each personality a score of 1 point but it added up to a perfect 10."

Several competing teams cried foul but one of Shebbard really angry personalities came out and told the women to "shut the f%^& up or I'll get a gun and blow your brains out." Another personality quickly emerged as Mother Theresa and apologized. Several personalities come out on the winners stand demanding first, second and third place medals. One woman trapped inside Shebbard commented, "There's a lot of us in here and frankly we'd all like a medal.

At one point Shebbard performed as Madonna, Bettie Davis, and poet Maya Angelou.

FAN SUES FIFA OVER INJURY

Berlin, Germany -- A fan, who was hit by a soccer ball during last summer's world cup, has sued FIFA, claiming that the injury has left him with permanent scarring.

Deutche Heineybuttom, testified in court, that he was sitting in the stands paying for a sausage and a beer when he was struck by a wildly shot soccer ball. The ball hit him with such a force that it made a permanent imprint on his face.

He spoke to the court in German and if you've ever tried listening to German it sounds like they got four hundred words a sentence. Like if you've ever seen those old Hitler newsreels, he'd scream for about ten minutes and the subtitles would read, "We must be victorious." That is one crazy language and we're really glad we didn't study it in high school because they only speak it in Germany. On the other hand, Spanish is spoken everywhere, especially everywhere in the U.S. And pretty soon the majority of the people living in the U.S. will be speaking Spanish so we're glad our parents made us study Spanish in high school rather than German.

Meanwhile Deutche Heineybuttom said (rough translation), "Do you really think any woman is going to want to sleep with a soccer ball? I want a nice big settlement." The judge said he thought Mia Hamm slept with soccer balls and then threw the case out.

When Deutche smiles, it really isn't a bad look.

PIPPY SHOCKS WORLD WITH HOLMES ANNOUNCEMENT

Jockweb, HQ -- Jockweb's award winning sportswriter and recent acquisition, Wally Pippy, shocked the entire entertainment world when he announced that he may be the father of Katie Holmes' new baby.

Jockweb was the first news source to break the story that ESPN's John Clayton may have fertilized the famous femme fatal but Pippy said, "I'm throwing my hat in the ring."

Pippy said that he and Holmes has a brief encounter early last year at an express checkout line in a supermarket. "She confided in me that boyfriend Tom Cruise was really an overbearing asshole and then we went out in my car and let the sparks fly."

ESPN's Clayton said he doesn't believe a word of what Pippy is saying. "Come on, does he expect us to believe that Katie shops in a supermarket. Whenever I slept with her, she had her groceries delivered by Scientologists."

MONTREAL HOCKEY TEAM REVEALS MISSPELLING (reported by Eric Tiltissue)

Toronto, ON -- After 80 years of existence, the NHL has admitted that the Montreal "Canadiens" should be spelled "Canadians".

"80 years of writing our name wrong, how 'embarrassant' [French for embarrassing]", claimed 95-year-old fan Guy LeFrenchguy.

It is estimated that there are over 4.5 trillion print copies of the spelling of this team name, and no one has even noticed. This neglect coincides with the NHL's ratings.

The all-time blunder was noticed by a French-Canadian native, now living in Toronto, who had just learned English. "Apparently the English-Canadians knew about it all along and were waiting for us to figure it out. I just can't believe it took us so long!"

Management also admitted, "We're not quite sure why we put that 'H' in the middle of the emblem either."

Maybe they're the Hooterville Canadiens?

IDAHO STATE FIRES COACH, STAFF, AND ALL EMPLOYEES

Pocatello, ID – After a 2 and 9 season, Idaho State athletic director Paul Bubb fired head coach Larry Lewis, the entire coaching staff, and every employee of Idaho State University, except himself.

When asked if the action was justified, in light of the fact that no one ever heard of Larry Lewis or Idaho State for that matter, Bubb replied: “You never want to take drastic action like this…until you do. Then, you kinda like it.”

In a surprise twist, the fired Idaho State coaching staff was all under contract for 10 more years, which means they are owed $50 million dollars whether they work or not. When questioned about how the University would find these funds, Bubb stated:

"How about this idea for sports revenue enhancement – Fan Fining?. Every fan who attended an Idaho State game this year will be fined $300? And if they don't pay, we'll give tickets for next year."

NCAA President Myles Brand congratulated Paulie Bubb for "thinking out of the box, and looking for creative new ways to keep the rubles flowing. Hats off!"

ISU's Bubb interviewing new coaching candidates.