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SUMO WRESTLER NAMED "GRAND CRACK MASTER" Sumo wrestler, Asashoryu, was named "Grand Crack Master" by a poll of sumo wrestling experts. "Grand Crack Master" is a titled reserved for the elite in the sport. Jockweb commentator, Rusty Stake, observed the scope of the moment. "No one quite understands the object of sumo wrestling but we can all recognize a tremendous crack when we see one," said Stake in a recent interview. Several members of Local 465 of the Plumbers Union called the poll political garbage. Local President, Stan Bieme said, "I'm getting tired of these Japanese thinking they've got the market on ass cracks. I'll put up my entire local against this Assawhore guy and we'll show you crack." Asashoryu was deeply honored with the title but expressed deep hurt at Bieme's comments. Through a translator he said, "I like to see any member of Local 465 take a thick wad of cloth, split the crack in their ass, and parade around a sport stadium, then wrestle another 500 pound guy also with a large piece of cloth in his ass. I'll be happy to take on any newcomers."
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