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10 Questions with Jesus H. Christ

The Pope is dead and we're lost without him. Without a big time spiritual leader in a funny hat, JockWeb decided to sit down with the Man who started it all.  Jesus H. Christ is known in many ways: Son of God, Carpenter, Miracle Dude, 32 year old virgin, and great interview.

Jesus H. Christ

JW: Jesus, I can't tell you what a pleasure this is.  How've you been?
JC: The pleasure is all mine, JW.  I've been good.  Can't say I like seeing all the crucifixes around, but other than that I'm ok.

JW: Problem with crucifixes?
JC: Uh, yeah.  That's how I died.  If your mother was hit by a bus, would you remember her by carrying a toy bus around with you?

JW: My mother was eaten by a shark.
JC: Oh, yes...I remember.

JW: Our time with you is limited, so let's get right to it.  The new Pope.  Thoughts?
JC: It's really none of my business.  Really anyone who is chosen will be ok.

JW: Really, anyone?
JC: I'm Jesus.  I've seen the future.  Don't sweat it.  But watch out for that elevator in the Sears building in Chicago.

JW:  There's been a lot of talk about an ethnic minority as a Pope.  How are you with that?
JC:  I'm from the Middle East.  I'm at least half black myself.

JW:  You?  But in all your pictures you look like you're from England.
JC:  Yeah, just kidding.  I wouldn't expect Italians to accept a black Pope.  Remember Bensonhurst?  Those poor kids just wanted pizza. Imagine the beating 'Tony' would have laid on them if one of them was Pope.

JW:  So your choice would be...
JC:  Italian, of course.  Everyone knows that Catholic is an Italian and Irish religion.

JW: Italian over Irish?
JC:  Best movies are Italian.  What is the Irish movie equivalent to The Godfather?  None.

JW:  And Finally, Ginger or Mary Ann?
JC:  Both

Jockweb: Both?!? Jesus H. Christ.  You are the Man.  We're out of time.
Jesus: And going to hell...

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