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Smarty Jones Announces Homosexuality Monday March 10, 2008 Lancaster, PA - In a shocking revelation that may cost owners millions of dollars, Smarty Jones, came out of the closet and revealed that indeed, he is a gay American horse. Citing the mounting pressure to reproduce, Smarty, through a spokesperson, held an impromptu press conference. “I’d rather tell the truth now than disappoint so many later. After Governor McGreevey’s announcement, I felt it was time for me to be honest with myself.” His trainers and owners had long been suspicious about his unusual behavior but chalked it up to an “eccentric equine.” One track veteran observed, “He’s had no appetite for months now.” Noted animal psychiatrist, Frederick Flicka, explains that, “horses go through sexual identity problems before settling down. We see lots of male on male experimentation in the horse racing world. These horses need lots of support particularly at this type of crossroad.” His owner, Roy Chapman, said, “I don’t care about who he sleeps with but I’ve got 25 million riding on his sperm. He got a commitment to honor and gay or not gay, he’s gonna deliver something.”
Smarty was in seclusion and not available for further comment. |
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